


With You, Always

by insertcoolname13



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Complete, F/M, Force Ghost Ben Solo, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Rey, Loss, Parenthood, Past Kylo Ren/ Rey, Pregnancy, Reylo Baby, Single Parents, Trauma, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22170421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcoolname13/pseuds/insertcoolname13
Summary: Finn is thrilled to finally be able to train with Rey and has gone out to stay with her on Tatooine. There's only one problem: A little boy by the name of Ben Skywalker who, frankly, would rather have his father there.Finn, Rey, and Ben all process their grief.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 83
Kudos: 276





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using this story to process my emotions, join me won't you?

“Reach out, Finn. Feel it.” Rey’s voice was a soft whisper in Finn’s ear. “Reach out with your feelings.” Finn sat cross legged on a woven mat with Rey facing him, their knees just barely touching. A canopy of rough cloth shaded them from the hot Tatooine suns. They’d been at this for an hour, with Finn no closer to “feeling it” than before. He wasn’t even exactly sure what he was supposed to be feeling. “You’ll know it when you do,” Rey promised, reading his mind as she occasionally did. 

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do that,” Finn cried, feigning anger. He chuckled. “It’s a little rude.”

“Sorry,” Rey said with a giggle. “I know it’s frustrating but you’ve only been training for a week. It’s going to take some time.”

“Time? Really?” Finn snorted. “You had everything figured out in a week.”

Rey glanced down at her hands. “That was different. I..had some help.”

“Oh, forgot,” Finn said. “Force magic, right?”

Rey shifted uncomfortably and changed the subject, as she always did when HE was mentioned. “Let’s try again. Just relax, breathe. Reach out with your feelings, the way you told me you did on Exegol.” 

Finn took a deep, cleansing breath and tried to relax, to open himself up. He let the feelings of peace and tranquility overtake him, felt himself reach out to find...the soft glow of a life force in front of him! “Rey!” he began. “I just felt-” His voice was cut off by a cry coming from the nearby house.

“Mama!” a little voice cried. “Mama!” 

“Sorry, Finn.” Rey jumped up immediately and started back toward the house. “We’ll have to pick this up again later. I need to get Ben his lunch.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finn sat across the table from Ben Skywalker, watching as he picked at a bowl of chilled soup and sipped at a glass of bantha milk. Neither said anything. In fact, they hadn’t said much to each other in the week Finn had been staying on Tatooine. Finn felt uncomfortable in the little boy’s presence and had since they day he was born, try to hide it as he might. The feeling seemed to be mutual.

Rey told him why she was leaving but he hadn’t really believed her. “Pregnant? How?” he’d asked, feeling like he might pass out. This didn’t make any sense, it wasn’t the way things were supposed to happen. 

“I know,” Rey said, sounding like she hadn’t quite processed things herself. “It’s...it’s absolutely crazy. I know. It happened in the throne room.” She got that strange, sad look in her eyes, the way she always did when she talked about HIM now. “When he saved me, when he brought me back life, something happened. The force created more life than intended.” She placed her hand on her still flat stomach, looking a bit dazed. “The medical droid confirmed it. I’m having a baby.”

“So the Force got you pregnant?” Finn stammered, trying to wrap his mind around the whole thing. “You’re having the Force’s baby?”

Rey shook her head. “No. Ben’s. This child has a father. Ben Solo.”

Finn didn’t want to hear it. “Rey this is crazy! You’re supposed to be restarting the Jedi, you’re the last hope!” He sighed, lowering his voice. “You promised to train me.” 

“I’ll do all that, Finn,” Rey insisted. “I just need time. Some time away.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Finn whispered. “I won’t tell anyone if you terminate. We’d never have to talk about it again.”

Rey sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I don’t expect you to understand this, Finn but I can’t do that. I know it’s weird and the timing is horrible but I want this baby. It’s all I have left of him.” 

Finn certainly didn’t understand that. Ren may have saved Rey’s life but it didn’t even begin to erase all the pain he’d caused, all the damage he’d done to the galaxy. But he knew better than to push Rey about it, any mention of Ren either made her angry or brought her to tears. He tried a different approach. “Rey, are you sure? I know this is something you want eventually but I don't want to see you waste your potential.” He pulled her into a quick hug. “I don’t want you to give up your dreams for anything.” 

She gave a little smile. “I’ve always wanted a family. This isn’t how I thought it would go but I’m going to do this. And I’ll do everything else too. I just need some time.”

“You don’t have to leave, Rey” Finn said. “You could stay with us. You could have the baby wherever we end up.”

Rey shook her head. “I can’t, I really can’t. I need to get away for awhile. A long while. I want to have the baby somewhere private. I don’t think I can handle everyone knowing yet. And I need some space to process this.” She’d leaned in to hug him again. “I promise, I’ll let you know when I get settled. You and Poe can come visit. And we’ll train, I swear.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so here he was, watching Kylo Ren’s son eat his lunch. Ben looked up from his soup bowl, regarding Finn in the same disdainful way that he always did, remaining silent. Maybe if he looked even a little bit like Rey, Finn would have been able to warm up to the boy but he resembled his tall, dark father more than Finn could have ever thought possible. The fair skin, unruly black curls and, of course, the large, intense dark eyes. It was as though Kylo Ren had come back from the dead just to continue to torment him. 

“Kriff!” Rey’s voice rang out from the fresher, where she’d been taking a shower. “I forgot. I need a new part for the moisture tanks. I need it today.” She walked out into the kitchen, drying her hair with a towel. “Finn, would you watch Ben while I run into town and pick it up?”

“Um, Rey,” Finn walked into the living room and gestured for Rey to follow him. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Rey was clearly confused. “Why not? I’ll be quick. I need the part right away.”

“Why don’t I go pick it up?” Finn tried.

“Do you know what to get?” Rey asked him, already knowing the answer.

“Why don’t you take Ben with you?” Finn was getting more desperate. 

“Because it’ll only take a few minutes if I go by myself and probably a few hours if I take a three year old with me.” Rey eyed Finn shrewdly. “Are you afraid to be alone with him or something?” she asked.

“I’m just not very good with kids,” Finn lied. “I won’t know what to do.”

“Just talk to him while he finishes his lunch and play with him for a few minutes if I’m not back yet when he’s done. You’ll be fine, I promise.” Rey was beginning to sound a little irritated. “Please, Finn. Can you just do this?”

Finn peaked around the corner into the kitchen, watching Ben stir his soup around. “What am I supposed to talk to him about?” he asked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babysitting goes horribly awry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record, I kind of hate the whole force baby idea. I wish Ben and Rey and been able to get together and have kids the old fashioned way. But alas, I have to work with what we got. At least it's something to give us a little bit of hope.

Finn paced the kitchen floor, wringing his hands anxiously. Rey had left only a few minutes ago but it felt like an eternity. He couldn’t seem to keep still, the awkwardness of the situation weighed more heavily than he’d thought possible. Ben sat in his spot at the table, watching him. The boy appeared to be just as uncomfortable as Finn, he pushed his fingers through his dark curls and wiped his nose on his sleeve.  
Finn sighed. His dislike of Ben was irrational and he knew it. Kylo Ren was dead. Ben Skywalker was a perfectly normal, harmless little boy. Besides, Rey was his best friend. He owed it to her to at least try to get along with her son. He took a couple of deep breathes, then sat down next to Ben.

“So, Ben,” he began, then realized he hadn’t really planned out what he was going to say. “Ben-I um,” he stammered. Ben didn’t see fit to grace this with a response. He went back to playing with his food. Finn tried again. “Your mom tells me you like to draw.” That seemed like a safe topic. Rey was always bragging about what a talented artist Ben was. His artwork was hung up all over the house, where on earth Rey managed to find all that parchment for the boy to draw on, he didn’t know.  
“Yep,” was Ben’s only response. He stirred his soup again, watching the vegetables swirl around. Trying not to be annoyed, Finn gave another attempt at conversation. “You like ships, don’t you? Your mom said you’re always begging Uncle Chewie for rides on the Falcon.”

“Yep,” Ben replied again, unswayed. 

So, that was a dead end. Finn wracked his brain for another topic, anything. “I came here to visit, a few months before your mom had you,” he said. “Then Uncle Poe and I came to meet you when you were born.” Ben didn’t look impressed and Finn didn’t know why he’d mentioned the visit. It had been horrible. 

Rey contacted him a few weeks after she’d left, letting him know that she was safe and would be staying on Tatooine for the foreseeable future. He’d immediately asked to visit but she’d gently refused. “I need some alone time, to get settled in. But soon,” she’d promised. “I’ll let you know when.”  
And so he’d waited, the months passing by. He and Poe worked with war refugees, fought skirmishes with the remaining First Order forces, and struggled to set up some sort of new government. But through all of it he was thinking about Rey, worrying. Finally, she contacted him again and sent him her coordinates. He’d gotten Chewie to take him on board the Falcon and they immediately headed for the Lars homestead. Rey’d come racing out to meet them. He hadn’t been prepared for the sight of her swollen belly, proof that Ren’s child was growing inside her. 

Once all the hugs had been exchanged, Chewie went off to town to give Finn and Rey some privacy. Rey led him around the farm, showing off all the projects she’d been working on. She showed him the lightsaber she’d built and told him about burying the two blue sabers in the sand. Then they went inside for caf. Finn told her about the reconstruction of the galaxy, about their friends, and his dreams for the future. He kept talking and talking, hoping to avoid the discussion he knew they had to have. Rey told him that she planned to have the farm up and running by the time the baby came, noticing the way he flinched when she finally brought up her pregnancy. “Yes Finn, I’m still pregnant,” she said with some annoyance. “You avoiding the topic hasn’t changed that.”

“So that’s it?” Finn had asked. “You’re going to be Rey Skywalker, single mother and moisture farmer?”

Rey crossed her arms. “And what’s wrong with that?”

Finn wasn’t letting it go that easily. “What happened to Rey, Jedi Master? You built that saber, what are you going to do with it?” He reached over and took her hand. “You have a duty to the galaxy, Rey. We need you.” 

“I can’t, Finn,” Rey replied, her voice dripping sadness. “It’s not that simple.”

“Talk to me,” Finn begged. “What’s not simple about it?” 

Rey snatched her hand away. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I want to, Rey,” Finn insisted.

“No, you don’t!” Rey cried. “You want to see him as a monster but he wasn’t. He saved my life! He loved me! And now he’s gone! All I have is a ghost and this baby. My baby, his baby, matters more than anything else ever could.” She buried her face in her hands. Finn reached out tentatively, patting her on the back.

“No Rey, I don’t understand,” he admitted. “But I’m trying, I promise. I’ll try.”

But it was easier said than done. He and Poe came out for the birth, to support Rey and meet the baby. Finn wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel when Rey placed the dark haired baby in his arms for the first time but he was sure that resentment wasn’t it. He’d handed the boy off to Poe as quickly as possible. Poe of course bonded with the baby right away, holding him close and smiling from ear to ear. It was a good look on him, Finn had to admit. 

Rey had called him over to her bedside, taking his hand in hers. She smiled at him with tears in her eyes, happy and sad all at once. “He’s here, with us right now,” Rey had whispered. “You just can’t see him yet.” It took Finn a moment to understand who she meant. “Oh,” he’d replied, not knowing what to say. 

“I know this is a weird situation,” Rey admitted. “But baby Ben is here now. And someday, you’ll love him as much as I do. I know it.” 

“When’s my mama coming back?” Ben asked, splashing his soup with the spoon. “Is it soon?”

“Soon,” Finn replied. “I don’t know when exactly.” He watched Ben play with his food, irritation growing. He was trying here, it just never made a difference. Ben pulled a piece of black fabric off his lap and began to rub it against his face. Finn grew even more annoyed by the sight. The piece of material was actually a large sweater. Kylo Ren’s sweater. The one he’d been wearing the day he’d died. Rey had given it to Ben, who carried it around everywhere like a sort of security blanket. The kid cuddled with the shirt of a man who’d murdered countless people. It was sick. 

Suddenly, Ben’s cup of milk and bowl of soup went flying across the room. “It was an accident,” Ben said immediately but Finn wasn’t fooled. The boy’s hands hadn’t moved but he didn’t need to move throw objects around.

“There are kids starving allover the galaxy,” Finn grumbled (starving because of people like your father he thought, though he hadn’t said that out loud). “You just wasted all that food.” Finn reached for a towel and began to clean up the mess on the floor. He looked over at the shirt in Ben’s hands, noticing that it was splattered with milk. “Give me that sweater,” he said, reaching for the ratty thing. “We’ll have to wash it.” 

“No!” Ben cried, pulling on it. “You can’t! You can’t wash it, never!” 

“Ben, stop it!” Finn yelled back. “Just hand it over.” He pulled on the sweater again, unsure of why he was getting so angry over it.

“No!” Ben screamed. “No!” He pulled back. “You’ll wash him away!” 

Finn tugged on the fabric, beginning to stretch it out. “No!” Ben screamed again and Finn found himself flying across the room, the way the soup and milk had before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Finn have a little talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to be so slow to update, I promise I'll be better. Follow me on Tumblr @relippedwarrior.

Rey held Ben in her lap, rocking him gently and stroking his hair. She hummed softly, a lullaby from Alderaan. “Shhh Ben,” she whispered. “It’s alright. I’m here.” Her son’s sobs gradually began to abate, his breathing became more even. He’d fallen asleep. Rey sighed. Tantrums weren't anything new to her, they came with the territory of parenthood. However, they’d always been few and far between. But this week? They were a near daily occurrence. Ben was normally such a sweet, gentle mannered little boy. What had come over him?

Rey planted a kiss on her son’s flushed, damp cheek. Carefully, she stood up and lowered the sleeping boy back onto the sofa. After covering Ben with a blanket, Rey slowly eased the stained black sweater from the little boy’s firm grasp. She tiptoed back to the kitchen, praying to every Jedi that had come before her that her son didn’t wake.

Finn leaned against the counter, holding an ice pack to his head. He watched as Rey filled the sink with cool water and put the tattered sweater in to soak. It was too delicate to go in with the rest of the laundry. “I have to wait until he’s asleep to wash it,” she told Finn, trying to smile. “He gets so upset about it.”

“You don’t say,” Finn replied, gesturing to his head.

“He thinks it’ll wash his dad away,” Rey tried to explain. “I know it seems silly but...it’s all he has of his. I humor him.”

“I’m sorry,” said Finn, earnestly. For once, he made no comment about Ben Solo. “I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Rey agreed. She walked over and slowly removed the ice pack from Finn’s head. “Now, let’s take a look at you.” She smoothed down her friend’s hair to see the bump forming on the back of his head. “I have a bacta patch in my med kit,” she told him. “Let me go get it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Finn told her. “It’s not that bad.”

Rey looked down at her feet, feeling guilt creep up. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “He doesn't know his own strength.”

“He needs training,” Finn told her. “He’s not a baby anymore, Rey.”

“I know,” Rey mumbled. She moved away from Finn, walking back to the sink. She lifted the sweater from the water and began to scrub at the stain with a sponge, pointedly ignoring her friend. She hoped Finn would take the hint and let the conversation drop. He didn’t let her get away that easily. Much to her dismay, he walked over took the sponge from her hand, forcing her to stop and look at him.  
“It’s time, Rey,” he said gently, concern in his eyes. “You need to rejoin the world. Come back with me to Naboo. You can stay with Poe and I until you get things figured out.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to be alone.” He meant well, Rey knew. He always did. But it didn’t change her answer.  
“I can’t, Finn. Not yet.” She took her sponge back and went back to working on the stain. She had to get it clean before Ben woke up. Finn however, wouldn’t let it go.

“Why not?” he pressed. “Why stay in this wasteland? You have so much potential.” Finn shook his head. “What happened to restarting the Jedi? What happened to having a life?”

“I’ve told you,” Rey said quietly. She shrugged his hand off. “I will. When the time is right. I’m not ready.” She looked away. “I have a child to think about.”

“It’s been almost four years,” Finn replied. “I’m worried, Rey. So is Poe. And Rose. And Jannah.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Rey told him, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. “It’s not easy.”

“You always say that," grumbled Finn, his frustration beginning to show. "I want to understand,” he insisted. "Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t talk to you!” Rey hissed, trying to remain quiet so her son wouldn’t wake. “You don’t listen to me, not really."” She’d tried to discuss the issue with Finn countless times over the years but anytime he heard the name Ben Solo he either shut down, changed the subject, or got angry. He couldn’t see the difference between Ben Solo and Kylo Ren. The rest of the galaxy wouldn’t either. How could she ever go back into the world that hated him? How could she subject her son to the judgment and stigma that would come with being the son of Kylo Ren? No, Finn could never understand. She threw down her sponge in frustration. “I need to go attach that part,” she snapped, grabbing the sack she’d brought back from town. “Send Ben out to me if he wakes up.”

Rey stomped outside, walking toward the moisture tanks. She hadn’t lied, she did have work to do though that wasn’t the real reason she’d come out here. She needed peace, quiet. Time to think, to meditate. She needed to see him, hear his voice. Ben’s ghost hadn’t shown himself since Finn had arrived and she’d never felt so alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey looks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me cry. Enjoy!

“Be with me,” Rey whispered. She sat cross legged, her back to the setting sun. “Be with me.” Nothing. “Be with me,” she chanted again, her voice beginning to crack. “Be with me.” No response. The emptiness she felt was overwhelming, the loneliness crushing. She was so tired, tired of all of this. Tears that had been building up since her talk with Finn finally began to fall. She didn't know what she expected. She’d never been able to summon his ghost before. He came and went, with no rhyme or reason. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Though he occasionally appeared when her others were around (like the day she’d given birth), he was more likely to show up when she was alone, isolated. When things were quiet. When she was somewhere peaceful. Somewhere like the Lars homestead on Tatooine. Maybe her son wasn’t the only reason she was struggling to get off the sand planet. Leaving would feel like leaving him behind. She couldn’t do it. 

Rey closed her eyes again and attempted to clear her mind. “Be with me,” she murmured. “Be with me.” But it was useless. Rey groaned in frustration and threw herself onto her back to lay on the sand. She stared up at the evening sky, her tears clouding her vision. Would he ever reappear? What if she never saw him again? She couldn’t go through that pain, that loss. She’d already gone through it once. 

Rey had watched Ben die, seen him fall over and dissolve. Her heart had broken and she’d felt more than a little dead herself. There was no body to mourn, nothing to burn or bury. She’d taken his sweater as she left the collapsing temple, thinking it was all she would have to remember him by. Boy, had she been wrong. She’d found out about the baby a few weeks later. 

She’d wandered off into the jungle, needing to be alone with her thoughts. It was there, sitting down in the shade of a great tree, hand over her belly, that she saw him for the first time. Rey had known what he was, she knew he hadn’t really come back. But that hadn’t stopped her from launching herself into his arms, kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his lips. She’d wept onto his chest. It felt so good to be held. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like ages. Finally he’d whispered “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

“I wish you hadn’t had to go,” she’d wept. “How could you leave me like this?”

“No, Rey I..,” Ben had stopped talking and reached for her abdomen, splaying his fingers over the place where their baby grew. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t know this would happen.” He was crying now too. “I wanted you to have a life and now I’ve saddled you with a child.”

Rey had shaken her head. She’d placed her hand over Ben’s. “Your child,” she’d told him. “Our child.” Rey smiled through her tears. “I’m happy, Ben.” And she realized as she spoke that it was the truth. 

“You don’t have to do it, Rey,” Ben had told her, quietly. “Not if you don’t want to.” He sighed. “I don’t want you to have to do this alone.”

“You don’t get to decide that,” Rey replied, firmly. “I love you,” she told him for the first time. “And I love our baby.”

Ben reached over to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “I love you too,” he said without hesitation. 

Rey took Ben’s hand again. “You've already been taken from me. I’m having this baby.”

Ben finally smiled. He leaned in to kiss her again. “Our baby,” he’d said, like he couldn’t believe it. “Our baby.”

“That’s the idea,” Rey said with a grin. She wiped away the last of her tears. “Kriff, I have a lot to figure out. I don’t think I want to have the baby here.”

“Why not?” Ben asked. 

“I don’t want to be gawked at,” she told him honestly. “I want to be alone for awhile, somewhere peaceful.”

Ben cocked his head. “Are you sure?” It might be nice for you to be around friends right now.”  
“And ruin their celebration? Rey snorted. “They don’t need some sad pregnant woman around.”

“I’m sure they don’t feel that way,” Ben insisted. “They care about you.”

“I’m going,” Rey said firmly. “As soon as I can.”

Ben put his arms around her, holding her close. “If that’s what you want,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss on her head. “Wherever you are, I’ll follow.”

“I have a stop to make first,” Rey said, thinking. “I’m going to make myself a new saber.”

“You have two stops to make,” Ben replied. 

“I do?” Rey asked, confused.

“I’m going to give you some numbers,” he told her. “Passwords to bank accounts on Coruscant. Go there and change the passwords to something you’ll remember.”

Rey had just stared at him, her mouth hanging open. “What?” she’d stuttered. “Why?” 

Ben chuckled a little. “So you can access the credits. They belong to you now. You and our child.”

Rey crossed her arms. “I’m not taking First Order money, Ben. Never.”

Ben had sighed. “It’s not First Order money, it’s family money. And it belongs to you.”

“I can’t take it,” Rey insisted. “I can make my own way.”

“I know you can,” Ben said. “ I have no doubt about that, trust me. But it’s not like I can use it. And besides,” he grew sober again, all laughter gone from his eyes. “I won’t really be able to be there, to help raise them. At least let me do this.”

And so Rey had left Ajan Kloss a wealthy woman, millions of credits at her disposal. Not that it mattered. She’d immediately given half of it to Finn anyway, to help the war refugees. The rest she kept for her son. For their son. And then she’d come here, settled down. Had her baby. His father visited every few days or so but he could never stay. Not for long. Rey was on her own. Just like she’d always been. It still hurt every time he left.

Closing her eyes, Rey tried again. “Be with me.”

“Mama!” a little voice cried. “Mama!”

It was Ben, though it wasn’t the Ben she’d been calling out to. Rey sat up. She couldn’t help but smile. Even on his worst days, Ben Skywalker was the light of her life. The little boy ran across the sand and jumped onto her lap. “I’m sorry I cried,” he said softly. Rey ran her fingers through his hair. Her sweet boy. 

“It’s alright,” she told him, kissing his forehead. “We just need to work on that temper of yours.” She gave him a hug. “I need to work on mine too.” She bent her head so she could look Ben in the eye. “And you need to apologize to your Uncle Finn.”

“What are you doing out here?” Ben asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

“I just wanted to come outside for awhile,” Rey lied. “Now Ben-”

“You're trying to talk to my dad, aren’t you?” he asked. Rey didn’t know why she’d bothered lying. Ben always knew somehow. 

“I was,” Rey admitted. “But he’s not answering right now.”

“It’s because he’s here,” Ben said with certainty. “My dad won’t talk to us because of Uncle Finn.”

“That’s not true,” Rey tried to tell him, though she thought that might be the truth. “He’ll talk to us soon.”

“No!” Ben yelled. “No, he won’t. He went away forever because Uncle Finn is here!” 

“No, Ben.” Rey had begun to cry again. “He isn’t gone forever. He just isn’t talking right now.”

“Uncle Finn chased him away.” Ben crossed his arms. “He wants us to forget my dad. I hate him!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @redlippedwarrior.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally starts to open up. Things don't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm adding an extra chapter. I just love this story so much. Let me know what you think!

The afternoon heat was crushing, despite the shade of the cloth canopy overhead. Beads over sweat ran down Finn’s neck. He struggled to ignore it, determined to focus on the task at hand. Rey had him practicing forms, finally allowing him to use her lightsaber instead of the sharpened stick he usually held. She stood in front of him, observing him intently as he went through the motions she’d shown him. Finn was determined not to let her down but kriff it was hot out! He felt another drop of sweat race down his back and struggled to hold his postion. Rey seemed to sense his distraction. “Come on,” she whispered calmly. “You can do it. Focus.”

Finn took a deep breath and lifted his arm, holding the yellow saber aloft. He could do this. However, as he began to move again, he felt the sharp bite of a fly below his ear. He yelped in surprise, dropping his borrowed weapon into the sand. “Hey!” Rey dove forward and grabbed the hilt of the saber, flipping the switch to retract the blade. “I finally trust you with this sacred weapon and you drop it?” she she grumbled, a smile tugging at the edge of her lips. “That’s it. I quit!”

“Please, Master Rey,” Finn pretended to beg. “I can do better! Take me back!”

Rey shot him an exaggerated frown, feigning anger. “I’ve already done all I can, padawan. I’m afraid you’re on your own now.” Unable to keep up the act any longer, she started to giggle. 

Finn began to laugh too. “Seriously, Rey. I’ll do better, I promise.” He finally wiped the sweat that had been gathering on the back of his neck. “It’s just so hot out here.”

Rey reached for the small canteen of water they had sitting nearby and handed it to him. “It’s good for you,” she said, still smiling. “It’ll teach you to focus.” She turned around to check on Ben, who sat on the edge of the shaded area. He was using sticks of ink to draw on parchment. “Ben,” Rey called. “Do you need a drink?”

The little boy glanced up from his work, a grumpy look on his face. “No,” he said sullenly. He immediately returned to his drawing. 

“Are you sure?” Rey asked. “It’s hot out.” 

Ben didn’t say anything, he didn’t look up from his paper. Rey sighed. “Why don’t you have a little something?” she tried to coax. “I’m afraid you’ll get sick from the heat.” Her son continued to ignore her. Rey looked more irritated now. Finn wondered if the heat was getting to her too. “Ben,” she said. Annoyance was beginning to creep into her voice. “Answer me when I talk to you.”  
“Hey,” Finn cut in, hoping to change the subject. “Ben, do you want to practice with us?” He turned to Rey. “He could follow along with us. He doesn't need to hold a weapon or anything.” In the week since his argument with Rey, Finn had been trying to be kinder to the little boy. Not that it mattered to Ben at all. The boy was as stubborn as his mother.

“No,” Ben replied. “I don’t want to.”

“Alright,” Rey grumbled. She reached down and scooped her son into her arms. “I think someone is tired.” She settled Ben onto her hip and began to walk toward the house. “Finn, could you grab his art stuff?”

Finn reached down and picked up the inks and parchment scattered around. He noticed Rey’s saber laying on the ground and sighed. He picked up the discarded weapon of the Jedi and followed his friend inside.

He waited in the kitchen while Rey put Ben to sleep. The sounds of the rocking chair and the soft lullaby he always heard Rey sing floated down the hallway. Finn sat down at the table and studied the saber in his hand. How would Rey ever live up to her potential with all these distractions? How could he make her see that she deserved more? Rey was smart, resourceful, powerful. She could have anything, go anywhere. It would be a tragedy for her to stay hidden away in the desert like this. He wanted to help but he didn’t know how. Pushing her didn’t seem to help, it only made her close herself off more. But what could he do?

It seemed like hours before Rey finally appeared in the kitchen. “He asleep?” Finn asked.

Rey nodded. “Finally,” she said, taking the seat next to Finn. “I love him to pieces but I swear, sometimes,” she trailed off, not finishing her sentence. Finn set the saber on the table and held out Ben’s drawing. It was surprisingly good for someone so young, a clear representation of the twin suns on the horizon. “He’s talented,” Finn told his friend. “How’d he learn to draw like that?”

Rey smiled, clearly proud of her son despite her frustration. “Natural gift,” she told him. She stood up and walked over to grab a stick of adhesive from a drawer. She stuck it to the back of the parchment and hung the little boy’s artwork on the wall, adding to an already large collection. Finn got up too, moving to stand next to his friend. He studied the drawings on the wall. “I swear,” Rey said. “Ben isn’t going to be a Jedi at all. He’s going to be one of those pretentious artist types that spends his days sitting in some fancy garden drawing flowers and writing poetry. He’s a dreamer, my baby.” Rey looked faraway. “He’s just like his father, in a way,” she said quietly. “Or what he would have been, without everything that got in the way.”

Finn felt his temper flare at the mention of Kylo Ren but he refused to give into it. Rey was finally opening up. He wouldn’t chase her away. “Ben can be whatever he wants to be,” he replied. “And so can you.”

“I just want to do what’s best for him,” Rey whispered. She seemed to be struggling not to cry. “But it’s so hard. It’s so hard to do this without him. I don’t know what to do half the time.”

“You’re doing great,” Finn assured her, again ignoring the mention of Ben’s father. “But you’re young, Rey. There’s still so much out there for you.”

“I don’t care,” Rey replied, beginning to cry in earnest. “I’d give anything to have him back. I don’t give a damn about anything else.”

“Well, what about Ben?” Finn asked. “There’s a whole galaxy out there for him. You say he’s going to grow up to be an artist? Take him to Naboo, the place is crawling with them. He could have real lessons.” He reached over and put an arm around Rey’s shoulder, feeling her back shake with sobs. “The two of you have money. Travel, visit every green world out there. Get off this hell hole of a planet.”

Rey wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’re right,” she admitted. “I know you’re right. I have a duty to the galaxy, I swore I’d restart the order. Try to bring lasting peace.” She leaned on Finn’s shoulder. “But I’m worried about Ben. It’s easy out here, no prying eyes. But to expose him to all the attention he’s going to get as the son of Kylo Ren?” Rey sniffled, struggling not to cry again. “I can’t do that to him. Ben Solo was everything to me but most people still see him as a monster.”

Finn didn’t have much to say about that. His feelings about Ren hadn’t changed. “And there’s more,” Rey continued. “Ben Solo was here before, with me. His spirit. Not all the time but he was here.” The idea of that horrified Finn but he kept his composure. Rey continued. “But I haven’t heard from him in weeks. I can’t leave until I figure out why.” She sniffled. “I need to know he’s alright, wherever he is.”

Finn tried to say his next words delicately, he gently took Rey’s hand. “He’s...dead, Rey,” he whispered. “He’s not coming back. You know that, right?” 

“Don’t say that!” a little voice yelled from the end of the hall. Ben Skywalker came running in. “Don’t say my dad won’t come back!”

Rey wiped away her tears and reached for her son, trying to pick him up. The little boy wiggled out of her grasp. “Now, we’ve talked about this,” she started. “Ben, your dad is...”

“My dad is gone because of him,” Ben insisted, pointing at Finn. “I told you, Mama.” Ben was starting to cry now too. “He’ll come back if Finn leaves. Then we can be happy again.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get out of hand. Finn gets a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is so cathartic for me to write. I hope you like it! Only one very long chapter left.

“Ben,” Rey said, working hard to keep her emotions under control. “You aren’t being very fair. We don’t know why we haven’t heard from your dad. It’s not Uncle Finn’s fault.” 

“Yes it is!” the little boy cried. “We haven’t seen him since he got here!” He looked at Rey accusingly. “And you don’t even care! You’re laughing and playing around and talking about leaving! I won’t go anywhere, not without my dad. I love him, even if you don’t anymore!”

A damn seemed to burst in Rey, she began crying in earnest. Her tears were loud, hurt. She sat down and buried her face in her hands. Finn couldn’t stand it anymore. “Don’t you dare talk to your mother like that!” he yelled. “You have no idea, what she’s been through, what she’s sacrificed for you.”

“You aren’t my father, you can’t tell me what to do,” Ben snapped. 

“Good,” Finn shot back, his blood boiling. “I’m glad I’m not him. I’m not a murderer like he was.”

Now Ben was really mad. “Don’t talk about him!” he shrieked. “You aren’t even really my uncle. I wish you’d leave. I hate you! My mama and I were better off without you.” He grabbed a plate off the counter and hurled it across the room, where it shattered. “If my dad were alive, he’d make you leave us alone.”

Finn no longer saw a little boy in front of him. Ben Skywalker had transformed into Kylo Ren, the monster of Finn’s nightmares. “You ungrateful little brat!” he shouted. “You’re mother gave up everything for you! She’s been living out here in this dump for your benefit! And all you can do is talk about you war criminal father! Well guess what, he’s dead.” Finn had never been so angry in his life. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. For years, he would regret his next words. “Your father is dead and I’m glad!” he spat. “I only wish he hadn’t ruined your mother’s life first.”

At those words, Rey shot up. Her eyes shown with tears but her voice was hard. “Ben Skywalker,” she said in a low voice. “Go to your room, right now.” The boy didn’t argue, not when his mother spoke like that. He ran off to his room, wailing loudly. Next, she turned to Finn.

“Rey,” he started, trying to defend himself. But Rey cut him off, clearly in no mood for it.

“And you,” she said. “How could you speak to my son like that? He’s a little boy, Finn. He’s three years old. I know you hated his father. I get it. I’m never going to be able to make you feel otherwise.” Rey took a deep breath, steadying herself. “But Ben isn’t him. He’s my son. And I love him. He means more to me than you, Poe, or any Jedi order ever could.”

“Rey, I get that,” Finn told her. “I don’t know why I said those things. I was just so mad.”

But Rey continued, like he hadn’t spoken at all. “And if you can’t accept him, then you need to go.”

Finn was devastated. And ashamed. “Rey, no. Please,” he begged. “I want to stay here and train with you, like we planned.” He couldn’t stand to leave, not when he had finally started to get through to her. 

“Get through to me?” Rey asked him, sounding even angrier than before, if that were possible. Finn sighed. She’d read his mind. He was in trouble now. “I don’t need you to save me, Finn. That’s what you never understood. Ben Solo always got that. He knew I could take care of myself. I don’t need to be rescued.”

Finn tried to brush off the comment, though he was certainly in no mood to hear about the virtues of Ben Solo. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he pleaded. “I’ll learn to get along with Ben. I promise, I can accept him if you give me time.”

Rey gave a loud, frustrated shriek. Finn froze at the sound. He’d never seen Rey like this. “I don’t want you to just accept him, Finn,” she cried. “I wanted you to love him, dammit. I wanted my best friend to love my son. But you just couldn’t do that.” She was shaking, she was so mad. “And so I want you to go. Call Poe, have him come pick you up.”

“Rey, no,” Finn begged. “I don’t want to go.”

“Go,” Rey said again. “Ben doesn't need people like you in his life, he's going to have it hard enough. And I go where he goes. A package deal. So I want you to get out of my house.”

“If I go,” Finn told her “you’ll spend the rest of you life like this. Isolated, lonely. I don’t want that for you.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Rey hissed. “Leave. Right now. Or I’ll make you,” she threatened. 

And so Finn turned and walked out into the bright sunshine, not really sure where he was going or what he would do. Tears blurred his vision as he walked, heading for town. Rey had thrown him out. He hadn’t felt like this since she’d pushed him away from her on the ruins of the Death Star four years ago. Away from a fight she was having with Ren. Kylo fucking Ren, He ruined everything. Somehow, he still was. He was dead but he was everywhere. In Rey’s heart. In his son’s face. Finn hated him. He knew he’d never stop. 

As if on cue, he heard a voice. A deep, familiar voice. A voice that chilled Finn to the bone. “Hey,” said Kylo Ren. “Can we talk?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo and Finn have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I added another chapter again. I can't help myself, I just love this story. There are some very important conversations coming up and I want to make sure they all get the time and attention they need.

Finn tried to speak but he couldn’t seem to make his mouth form words. Kylo Ren was standing in front of him. Kylo fucking Ren. Supreme Leader of the First Order. Scourge of the galaxy. The creature of his nightmares. The father of the child he’d just screamed at. Finn found himself overcome by emotion. He was angry, afraid, ashamed. Ashamed? That one caught him off guard. What on earth did he have to be ashamed of, when compared to Kylo Ren? Nothing he’d done could ever even come close to the crimes Ren had committed. So why did he feel this way?

“You yelled at my son,” Ren answered him, calmly. Finn could have kicked himself for not keeping his thoughts under better control. He should have known Ren would read his mind. Didn’t Rey do it every day? “And perhaps you know we aren’t quite as different as you like to pretend,” Ren continued. 

Finn was taken aback. “You,” he managed to stammer. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I do,” Ren answered simply. “Walk with me,” he said. He turned and began to walk, away from the homestead. Finn had no choice but to follow him. 

“I know you’re still angry with me,” Ren told him once he’d caught up. “And I know you’re taking it out on my son.”

Finn couldn’t exactly argue with that point. He was right. “I’m sorry,” he heard himself say. “I don’t mean to do it. I don’t know where it comes from. I know it isn’t Ben’s fault.” 

“I made a lot of mistakes,” Kylo Ren told him, sounding surprisingly sincere. “Things I can’t hope to ever atone for. I’ve hurt people I cared for, deeply. I left Rey to go through life alone, to raise our child by herself. That’s the thing I regret the most,” he said sadly. “She deserved more.” He sighed. “And I know I hurt you, Finn. Not personally, maybe but I was part of the organization that stole your childhood from you. And for that, I am truly, very sorry.”

Again, Finn was speechless. He didn’t know what he’d expected but it certainly wasn’t an apology. 

“But,” Ren continued. “I have to ask. What do you know of my life, Finn?”

Finn didn’t answer. Rey had tried countless times to talk to him about Ben Solo but he’d always shrugged her off. He’d never really bothered to listen. 

Apparently taking his silence as an answer, Kylo Ren continued. “Like I said, we aren’t so different. The First Order took me from my family too, in a way. Made me do horrible things I regretted. I was marked by Palpatine before I was born, groomed by him. I didn’t have any more choice than you did, really.”

“We are nothing alike,” Finn snapped. “I could have never done the things you did.”

“You might have, if you’d been in my shoes,” Ren replied. “If you’d been conditioned the way I was, directly instead of in a group the way stormtroopers are. We’re the same. Both tools to be used.” He laughed, though there wasn’t any joy in it. “My role was just a little more, glamorous I suppose.”

“I didn’t fire my weapon,” Finn insisted, thinking back to that awful day in the village on Jakku. “I said no.”

“I did too, eventually,” Ren told him. “It just took a bit longer.” They walked up to a rocky outcropping, on the very edge of the homestead. Ren sat on one of the ledges and motioned for Finn to join him. He remained standing, still not willing to give up his hostility quite yet. He and Ren were not going to be friends, even if he was making some sense. 

“I’d hardly call killing innocent people glamorous,” Finn said, picking on that part of the statement because there wasn’t much else he could argue with.

“You know what I mean,” Ren said. “I was singled out in way you weren’t.”

“And what?” Finn asked. “One day you just woke up?”

Again, Ren motioned for Finn to sit down, clearly not planning to answer until he did. Reluctantly, Finn joined him on the ledge. Kylo Ren...Ben, continued. “It never really felt right, the things I did. But I didn’t know how to stop, really. That’s the way the dark side works, you get pulled in deeper and deeper until it feels like there’s no possible way you can dig yourself out. I didn’t see any way out.” He sighed, sadly. He starred off into the distance, lost in his dark memories. “I had no hope.”

Finn couldn’t help himself, he was being drawn in. He felt his defenses lowering. “So, what happened?” he asked. “What changed?”

Ben smiled. “Rey,” he said simply. “I found Rey.”

“You met Rey and she just changed you?” Finn asked skeptically.

“No,” Ben answered.“I had to do that on my own. But she gave me my hope back, for the first time. You see, she’s the first person who I ever felt,” he paused, as if he were searching for the words. “She understood me. She gave me a chance.” He smiled. “She felt like home.”

Finn was quiet for a moment. He’d heard this story from Rey before but he’d never really understood. Somehow, coming from Ben Solo himself, it was starting to make sense. Still, Finn wasn’t completely satisfied. “So,” he started. “Why haven’t you been speaking to her then? If she means so much to you?” He turned to face Solo.“It’s been weeks. She’s going out of her mind, wondering where you are. And your boy is really upset.”

Ben looked down at his hands. “I kept contact all this time because I’m weak. I didn’t want to let them go.” He looked close to tears. “But Rey won’t move on as long as I'm around, I see that now. She’s wasting away out here. I thought, maybe with you here, if I went away, I don’t know,” he muttered. “I thought maybe she’d realize it’s time to go have a life.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,” Finn said. “But just abandoning them like that? That’s the worst possible thing to do. Now Rey is going to spend the rest of her life trying to find you. She’ll never stop. You know her.” Finn smiled, thinking about his best friend. “Once she decides you’re family, that’s it. She’s devoted. Even more so with you,” he admitted. 

“I just want what’s best for her,” Ben whispered. “For both of them. I want her to see the galaxy, to learn all she could ever want to learn, I want Ben to have friends to play with, I want him to be a kid in a way Rey and I never were. I just want them to have the best possible lives, even if it means Rey moves on and falls in love again, gets married. Even if it means I never see them again.”

“But isn’t that her choice to make?” Finn asked. “I mean, shouldn’t you try to talk to her?” He shook his head. “She always told me that you had faith in her. That you knew she didn’t need anyone to save her.” 

Ben shrugged, then began to stare intently at his hands again. “I know,” he said quietly. “I know she doesn't.” His voice was small, shaky. “What would I even begin to say? How could I make her understand?” he asked.

Finn reached out and placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder, surprising himself. “I think you should tell her exactly what you just told me.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys surprised I added chapters? The final two should be out soon, I'm going to be writing non-stop. I love these babies so much! Get ready to cry, then smile, then cry again!

Rey sat in the kitchen, feeling empty, numb. She could hear Ben crying in his room but she didn’t go to him. She knew she should but she couldn’t seem to get herself to move. And what would she say to him anyway? It wasn’t like she could offer her boy much comfort right now, with tears staining her own face. She’d never felt so lost, angry, and hurt. Finn had said some horrible things, only some of them true.

Not all of it, of course. Rey knew Ben Solo wasn’t a monster, he’d been a confused, manipulated boy. He’d made many terrible mistakes but she’d forgiven him and loved him anyway. It didn’t matter what Finn thought about him, she knew why he felt the way he did. Finn had spent most of his life being used as a tool by the First Order. He’d lived in fear of Kylo Ren and he’d never truly met Ben Solo. Rey had always hoped he would come around eventually but when it came down to it, she understood. What she didn’t think she could forgive was his treatment of her son, the little boy she loved more than life itself. When Finn saw him, it was like he saw Kylo Ren himself. He put all the anger and resentment he felt toward the First Order onto her son. Rey knew why he did it but it didn’t matter. The way he’d screamed at Ben, she couldn’t get that out of her mind. Kicking him out was hard, the thought of losing her best friend hurt. But she’d had no choice. 

Still though, Finn wasn’t wrong about everything. She and Ben didn’t belong out here. Rey had spent her early life lonely in the desert, longing for the chance to get out. And now, here she was, back where she started. Ben deserved more and she knew it, but instead she kept them here, hiding. She’d always claimed it was to protect Ben but maybe that was an excuse. Staying here was easier than facing life without Ben Solo by her side.

Kriff! What kind of mother was she? She had all the credits they could ever need, they could be doing anything, yet she had them hiding out on Tatooine like a couple of criminals. Ben needed friends, an education, a life. She was the one keeping him away from the galaxy, like they had something to be ashamed of. She was keeping him from the good life he deserved. She should be angry with herself, not Finn! Rey began to cry again. She buried her face in her hands and shook her head. “I’m a terrible mother,” she muttered. 

“Don’t say that,” a low voice said. “Rey, please never say that.” 

Rey sat up. Ben, her Ben, stood in the doorway, an anxious expression on his beautiful face. She sat, still frozen. “Rey,” Ben said again. “Rey, sweetheart I’m so sorry.” 

That was all it took. Rey jumped up from her chair and ran over to kiss him. He wrapped him arms around her, holding her to his chest. “Ben,” she sobbed between kisses. “Baby, where have you been? It’s been so long.” She nuzzled her face into his neck, breathing in his scent. “You can’t do that to me.”

“It was a mistake,” Ben told her. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

Rey pulled back. “What do you mean, right thing?” she asked, incredulous. “How could us being apart ever be the right thing?”

“Because I’m dead, Rey,” Ben said. Rey shuddered. It was hard to hear but Ben always told the truth, even when it was unpleasant.

“I know that,” she whispered. “So what?”

“I can’t be in your life,” Ben told her sadly. “Not really. I can’t be the partner you deserve or the father Ben needs. I didn’t want both of you to spend your lives waiting for me.”

Rey attempted to smile. “Don’t be so conceited,” she teased, though she knew rang hollow. That’s what she’s been doing after all, isn’t it? Working on the farm, fixing up ships, training Finn, they were all just distractions. 

“You know it’s true,” Ben insisted gently. “And that’s no life for you and it’s no life for our son.” He sighed. “I thought with Finn coming, I’d withdraw. Maybe then you could move on.”

“And you didn’t think to talk to me about that?” Rey asked. Her misguided, foolish boy. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, earnestly. He took Rey’s hand in both of his. “It was wrong of me to try to take that choice away from you.”

“Yes,” Rey agreed. “It was.”

“I’m an idiot,” Ben continued.

“Yes,” Rey agreed again. “You are.”

“But I’m an idiot that loves you.” Ben pulled Rey to him again, kissing her deeply. Rey smiled into the kiss. She ran her hands through his hair, entangling her fingers in the strands. She held him closer. To her dismay, however, Ben pulled away. “You know,” he told her. “I’m not the only idiot who loves you.”

Rey was confused. “What do you mean?” she asked. Then, it hit her. “Finn.”

Ben nodded. “He’s outside, Rey.” 

Rey shook her head. “I don’t want to see him.”

“You should talk to him,” Ben insisted. “He’s gone through a lot too, Rey. He means well.”

“You didn’t see him,” Rey said. “He hates Ben.”

“He doesn't.” Ben was firm. “He’s confused, the way I was.” He pulled Rey back to him, hugging her tightly. “We all deserve second chances,” he said. “You taught me that.” 

Rey sighed. She couldn’t exactly argue with that. “You’re a good man, Ben Solo,” she told him. “I’ll talk to him. For you.” 

“In a minute,” Ben said, smiling. “First, I want to see our son.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Ben have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you didn't read the comments on my last chapter, this is NOT a FinnRey story. They are and will remain, just friends. I promise! Again, thank you all for your patience and support. I've really loved writing this fic and I hope you've enjoyed it too.

They held hands as they walked toward their son’s room. Despite the storm of emotions she was feeling, Rey couldn’t help but smile. It felt so right, his hand in hers. It was home. Nothing else, no one else, could ever compare. She had always known that. No matter where she goes, he’ll always be with her. Her soulmate, her other half. It doesn’t matter that he comes and goes, that he can’t always stay. She would cherish every moment they had.

They stopped outside the bedroom door. Ben turned to Rey nervously. “What if he’s angry with me?” he whispers. “What if he’s mad I left?”

Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Explain it to him. Tell him why.” She grinned. “Tell him you’re an idiot. It worked on me.”

“He’s a little kid,” Ben insisted. “He might not understand.”

“Well,” Rey said. “I’m just going to tell you, I don’t think he’s going to be angry. He’s been dying for you to come back. I think he’ll just be happy to see you.”

Ben swallowed. “Alright. Here we go.”

He opened the door, slowly. Their little boy lay in his bed, curled up in a ball. Hearing the sound of the door, he sat up. His dark eyes widened as he took in the figure standing in the doorway. A huge smile lit up his face. “Dad!” he shouted. He climbed down from the bed and ran over, jumping happily into his father’s arms. Rey stepped back to give her two boys some space. Ben Solo, however, wouldn’t have that. He reached over and pulled Rey into the hug, wrapping one arm around her and using the other to cradle his son. The family embraced silently for a moment. It was so perfect, Rey thought her heart might burst. 

After a minute or so, Ben began to wiggle in his father’s arms. He jumped down and ran over to the little desk in the corner, where he worked on his drawings. “Look,” he insisted, holding up one of his more recent creations. “I drew you yesterday. And me. And Mama.” He pointed to the figures as he named them. “I missed you so much. Where were you?” 

Ben Solo smiled at his son’s work. “Looks great, little starfighter,” he said. “And about that, I wanted to talk to you. Can you sit down?” 

The three year old rarely refused a request from his favorite person, he nodded and went to sit on his bed. Rey went and sat beside him. She wrapped her arm around him, pulling him close. She had a feeling the little boy might need some comfort. Ben Solo sat on the floor in front of them. 

“I love you very much,” Ben started. “You know that, right?”

His son nodded. “Yeah.”

“So, so much,” Ben continued. “More than anything. You and your mother both.” He reached over and squeezed Rey’s hand again. “You’re both more than I could have ever dreamed of.”

“We love you too, Dad,” the little boy chirped. “We miss you when you go away.”

Ben nodded. “I know you do. And that’s the problem, Ben. I didn’t like coming and going all the time. I knew it made you and your mama sad. And I don’t want you to be sad, either of you. I want you to be happy and have the best life possible.” 

Their son looked confused. “But we’re happy when you’re with us,” he insisted. 

“And I’m happy when I’m with you,” Ben assured him. “The happiest I’ve ever been. But it’s not fair for you to wait for me all the time like this. My dad,” his voice shook. “My dad was always coming and going when I was your age. And it made me feel horrible. I was always waiting for him to come back. And then, as soon as he came back, he was gone again.” 

“And that’s why you’ve been gone?” the boy asked. “Because you thought you made us sad?”

“Because I wanted you to have a good life,” Ben agreed. “Yes. I thought maybe with Uncle Finn here, you and your mama would finally start to be happy.”

At the mention of Finn’s name, little Ben crosses his arms. Rey certainly couldn’t blame him. “I hate him,” Ben spat. “He says mean things about you.”

Rey expected Ben to get angry. He didn’t. “Ben,” he said quietly. “I never want you to hate anyone.” He reaches forward and gently takes hold of Ben, settling him on his lap. “Uncle Finn made mistakes, just like we all do. He deserves a second chance.”

But their boy is not so easily swayed. “He hates me too,” he insisted. “He wishes I was gone.”

“He doesn't hate you,” Ben told him. “He’s mad at me, really. Not you.”

This was news to little Ben. His brown eyes widened in confusion. Rey knew he couldn’t imagine anyone being angry with his dad, one of the people he loved most in the world. Ben Skywalker never met Kylo Ren. “Why is he mad at you?” he asked.

“I know your mama talked to you about it a little bit.” He looked to Rey for confirmation and she nodded.

“Remember?” she prompted. “Your dad was confused. A bad man lied to him and made him do bad things.”

The boy nodded. “I remember. But mama said you were sorry and she forgave you.”

“She did more than that,” Ben told him. “She saved me.”

“We saved each other,” Rey interrupted. She wouldn’t let Ben give her all the credit. “I needed him just as much. And then we fought the bad man together.”

“And you died,” their son said sadly. “After you made me.”

“Yes,” Ben agreed. “Your mom forgave me and we loved each other. But not everyone has forgiven me. A lot of them never will. I hurt a lot of people, Ben. I was very sick and confused. Your Uncle Finn was one of the people I hurt. He nearly died because of me.”

“But you’re sorry,” the boy insisted. “Just tell him and he’ll forgive you like mama did.” 

“I told him, today,” Ben said. “I don’t think he has yet, not completely. But I think he will.” Rey was surprised to hear that. She’d accepted that Finn would never move past Kylo Ren. Could he? 

“He just wants your mama to be happy. He’s her friend, he cares about her.” Ben ran his fingers through his son’s curls. “And deep down, I think he cares about you too. He just doesn’t know how to show it yet.”

“Do you think so?” the little boy asked. He smiled.

“I know so,” Ben told him. “And you could try being a little bit nicer to him yourself, huh?” he asked, poking Ben and making him giggle. “You’re only the funniest, smartest, sweetest boy in the galaxy. It wouldn’t kill you to show it.”

Little Ben laughed again, then wrapped his arms around his father in a soft hug. “I love you so much,” he said quietly. “Please don’t go away again.”

“I love you too,” Ben whispered. He was crying. Rey felt herself tearing up again too. She knelt down to join the embrace. “I’ll never leave you again,” Ben promised. “Even when you can’t see me, I’ll be there.”

“Will you visit us?” their son asked. “Like you are right now?”

“As long as you want me to,” he swore. “As long as you and your mom do one thing for me.”

“What?” the boy asked, just as Rey did. 

Ben smiled through his tears, showing the dimples that Rey loved so much. “Get off this damn planet,” he told them. “Get out there and live.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've reached the end. I love this fic and I love reylo with all my heart. Thanks for sticking with me! Feel free to check out my other fics and follow me on tumblr at redlippedwarrior. You guys are the best!

The three of them lay together in bed for awhile, Rey and Ben on either side, with their son sandwiched between them. It was a tight fit but Rey savored the closeness. She knew it wouldn’t always be that way. Ben hummed the lullaby from Alderaan that his mother had taught him as a child. Rey sang along softly, he’d taught her the words during her pregnancy. It was their little boy’s favorite. 

Soon, Ben Skywalker drifted off to sleep, clutching his father’s arm like a lifeline. Rey was certain her son knew that his father would likely be gone when he woke. But, they both knew he would come back. It might not be perfect but it was enough. In that moment, Rey wouldn’t have traded places with anyone else in the galaxy. 

The suns were beginning to set outside, bathing the room in shadows. “You should go out and talk to your friend,” Ben whispered over their son’s head. “It’s getting late.”

Rey was reluctant to go, her anger at Finn still hadn’t really subsided. But what choice did she have? She’d promised Ben. She’d never deny him. “Alright,” she said quietly. But she didn’t move. “You know,” she told her soulmate. “Ben and I are going to move, just like you wanted. I’m going to train new jedi. Ben’s going to grow up and become whatever he’s meant to be. But I’m never going to be with anyone else, Ben Solo. You’re it for me. You’re the one.”

“Rey,” Ben murmured. “That’s not fair to you. You deserve to be happy.”

“You make me happy,” Rey insisted. “Do you think anyone else could compare to what we have?”

“I’m gone more often than not,” Ben argued. 

“Then I’ll take what I can get,” Rey answered with finality. “You can’t change my mind, Ben.”

“What if you want more children?” he asked. “I don’t think I can give you that.”

“Ben keeps me plenty busy right now but I can adopt, if it comes to that.” Rey said. “And I’ll have my padawans, once I get the academy started. She grinned. “But you and I can keep trying, for years and years and years.”

Ben laughed quietly, trying not to wake their son. “I love you,” he said, finally accepting defeat.

Rey reached over their sleeping boy and stroked Ben’s face. “I love you too. Now I better go. As much as I might want to, I shouldn’t leave Finn out there all night.” She stood up carefully, trying her best not to shake the bed. “Do you want to walk out with me?” she asked.

“I think I’ll stay here, if that’s alright.” Ben looked down at their son. “I want to spend a few more minutes with him before I go.” Rey nodded, understanding. Walking quietly to the other side of the bed, she stooped down to kiss Ben goodbye. She knew he’d be gone before she came back. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she said. “Promise?”

“Nothing could keep me away,” Ben assured her. “I’ll find you, wherever you end up.”

Rey knew he would. They were as connected as ever. More, even. She leaned down to kiss her son on the forehead and tiptoed out of the room. She glanced back one more time, at her son and his father. Her family, her world. She could never ask for anything more. Ben smiled at her softly. “Go,” he mouthed. “I love you.” Rey giggled and walked out. Once she got to the front door though, she no longer felt like laughing. She could see the shape of Finn out on the horizon. He was sitting in their little training area, waiting for her. What could she say to him? What could he possibly say to her? Still, she had promised. She had to at least hear him out.

Rey walked out across the cooling sand and sat down quietly beside her old friend. Finn acknowledged her with a nod. “I felt you coming,” he told her. “I sensed it.”

“Good job,” Rey said flatly. 

“Rey,” Finn started. He didn’t seem to know what to say either. “I met him. Ben Solo. He spoke to me.” 

“He told me.” Rey looked off into the distance, at the farming equipment, the sand, the rocky ledges. At anything but Finn.

“You’re right,” Finn continued. “He...he’s not who he was before. He’s changed.”

Rey didn’t answer. She combed her fingers through the sand beneath them.

“He’s an interesting guy,” Finn said. “Intense.”

“That he is,” Rey agreed. 

“He explained things to me,” Finn told her. “He put it all in perspective.” Finn turned to look at Rey. She felt obligated to meet his eyes. “I’m not much different from him. All this time, I’ve never been able to admit that. The First Order was always the enemy, not him. He was a tool as much as I was. Maybe even more.”

Rey was shocked. She could hardly speak. Could Finn really mean that? Did he understand at last?

“And kriff, Rey.” Finn sounded unbelievably ashamed. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Not just for the argument but for the way I’ve been acting these last few years. With Ben and everything.” His voice broke, as though he were near tears. “It’s just so hard, sometimes. Moving on. I took all my pain and I projected it onto your son. And that wasn’t fair or right.”

“No,” Rey agreed. “It wasn’t. But I understand, Finn. I knew it was hard for you. I just wanted you to try. He’s my baby. I wanted him to have you in his life. He needs people on his side.”

“I know.” Finn wiped his tears away with his hand. “I want that too. Really, I do.”

“And I know you just want what’s best for me,” Rey said. “But it’s hard for me , too. It’s hard for me to just move on. I love him, I wanted a life with him more than anything else. It’s hard to move forward, knowing he won’t really be around for it.”

“I haven’t been very understanding,” Finn admitted. “I think I just wanted to forget everything. I wanted you to forget with me.”

“I’ll never forget,” Rey insisted. “I don’t want to. Ben Solo will always be in my life. Maybe he won’t be here the way I wanted him to be, but he’ll be here non the less. You’ll have to accept that.”

“I do,” Finn assured her. He sounded sincere. “I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy.”

“At the expense of your own happiness?” Rey asked.

Finn looked confused. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“You never wanted to come here, to Tatooine,” Rey said. “You came out here to save me, again.”

“I came out here to train,” Finn claimed, though he didn’t sound convincing. “Remember?”

“Please.” Rey rolled her eyes. “You wanted to leave your beautiful home on Naboo, with your handsome boyfriend, to come out here to the middle of nowhere and live with your sad widowed friend and her toddler?”

Finn was stunned. He hadn’t told Rey about his relationship with Poe but she could tell from his face that she’d guessed correctly. “How did you know, about Poe and me?” he asked.

“The two of you are only a tiny bit obvious,” Rey said with a small chuckle. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were so sad,” Finn admitted. “We didn’t want to upset you, make you feel left out or anything. You already seemed like you felt so alone.” 

Rey elbowed him. “See? This is what I mean. You don’t have to protect me.”

Finn rubbed his arm. “Yeah, I definitely got that,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, then. For that too.”

“I’m happy for you,” Rey said quietly, after a few moments of silence. “Really.”  
“Thank you, that really means a lot, Rey.” Finn smiled, the first genuine smile she’d seen from him in awhile. It lit up his face. “I never thought I’d love anyone so much. It’s like he’s the part of me that was missing. He’s more myself than I am.”

“Now you understand how Ben and I feel,” Rey told him, glad they could finally talk openly.

Finn nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Rey sighed. “I promised him I’d move on with things. Get out of here.”

“If you’re ready, I think that’s great,” her best friend said. 

“I’ll have to talk to Ben but I think after that talk with his dad, he’ll be ready.” She was nervous. It wouldn’t be easy for either of them. They’d need friends on their side. “I was wondering, could Ben and I come stay with you and Poe on Naboo for a little while? Until I get things sorted out. I promised we’d see the galaxy, no reason we couldn’t start there.”

“We would love that,” Finn answered immediately. “Rey? Can I give you a hug?”

“I would love that,” she told him. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

So, it was all set. Rey had gone to talk to Ben, alone in his room. She’d emerged tearful but optimistic. The little boy had agreed to give Naboo a try, primarily because of his father’s words but also because Rey had bribed him with the promise of trees to climb and lakes to swim in. “Not that he really knows what that means,” she’d giggled. “But he likes the sound of it. And besides, you know how much he loves Poe.”

“Doesn't everyone?” Finn had asked with a grin. But still, he was anxious. “What if he still doesn't warm up to me?” he asked her quietly. “I don’t want him to be unhappy.”

Rey placed a gentle arm on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, he will,” she promised. “Just give it time. He promised his dad he’d try.”

“I’m afraid I blew it,” he confessed. “I acted like a real ass.”

“You did,” Rey had agreed. “But kids are forgiving. Just be kind. He’ll come around.”

Then she’d gone to bed, reminding him that they had to be up early in the morning to start packing. But Finn couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. Part of him was thrilled, excited to be returning to Poe. Excited that Rey was coming along, that she’d given him another chance. He was finally starting to make peace with Ben Solo. But the other part of him remained worried. What if he couldn’t make things up to Ben Skywalker? Would the little boy hate him forever? Finn lay awake for hours, his mind racing. 

Suddenly, Finn heard a thud, then a crash. He sat up and got out of bed, walking to the kitchen to investigate the sound. A dark haired little boy, his father's black sweater clutched in one hand, stood on a chair. He’d pulled it over near the cupboards, apparently so that he could reach inside. Broken shards of ceramic lay all over the floor. A container had fallen out of the cabinet. “Ben,” Finn whispered. “What are you doing up?”

“I was hungry,” the little boy answered. “I fell asleep before supper.”

“Oh, I see.” Finn knelt down and began to pick up the broken pieces. 

“Are you mad?” Ben asked quietly.

“Of course not,” Finn told him. “I promise. Now don’t move, I don’t want you to cut yourself.”

Ben stood still. “My mama could make them all fly into the trash.”

“I know,” Finn said. “But I’m not very good yet.”

“Me either,” Ben admitted. “And she says I’m not old enough to train.”

“You will be though, soon.” Finn finished gathering up the pieces and threw them into the trash compactor. “Alright,” he said to Ben. “You can hop down now.”

Ben climbed down from his chair. Finn picked it up and carried it back to the table. “I can make you something to eat,” he offered. “If you want.” 

“Why?” Ben asked, genuinely confused. “You don’t like me.”

The words gutted Finn. He couldn’t believe that he’d let his anger get so out of control. Ben needed people he could rely on. Like Rey had said, things would be hard enough for him. “That’s not true,” he told the little boy. “I can see why you’d think that though, I’ve been pretty nasty.”

“Uncle Poe likes to play with me and tell me stories,” Ben said. “But you don’t.”

Finn sat down at the table and motioned for Ben to take the chair next to him. He did, dragging the black sweater along. “That’s because I’ve been very confused,” Finn admitted.

“Like my dad,” Ben interrupted. “That’s what happened to him.”

“Yes,” Finn agreed. Ben Skywalker certainly was perceptive. “Very much like your dad, actually. But I was wrong.” He looked at the little boy. “But I want you to know that I’m very sorry. And I’ll do better.”

“I told my dad I’d do better too,” Ben said. “He said I wasn’t being very nice.”

“We’ll both do better, then.” Finn stood up and walked over to the cabinet where Rey kept the bread. “Now, what do you like on your sandwiches?” he asked.

“Can I have a cookie instead?” Ben asked, his smile shy. 

Finn chuckled. “Only if we don’t tell your mom.” He was sure Rey would understand if she found out. He was trying to make friends. He reached for the cookie jar and fished out two, one for Ben and one for himself. He poured two glasses of bantha milk and took them back to the table. Ben took the cookie eagerly and dipped it into his milk.

“Uncle Finn?” the little boy asked.

Finn smiled, warming up to the idea of being an uncle for the first time. “Yeah?” he replied.

“Do you know any stories?” Ben’s voice was small. He was still shy. He rubbed the ragged sweater against his cheek.

“I know a few,” Finn answered. 

“When we finish our snack, could you tell me one? I can’t sleep.”

Nothing could have made Finn happier. They still had a long way to go, of course, but this was progress. “Of course,” he said. “Of course, Ben.”

Rey awoke the next morning, feeling odd. It took her a moment to figure out why. Then she realized, she felt hopeful, optimistic for the first time in years. She was going to Naboo. She was going to start her academy. She and Ben were going to travel.

Still, there was so much to do. Rey got up and walked to the kitchen to start the morning caf. To her surprise, she found two empty glasses on the table and a trail of crumbs on the floor. Following them to the living room, she found something that melted her heart. Finn and Ben sat together on the sofa. Ben’s head lay on Finn’s shoulder, his half eaten cookie still in his hand. They were both sound asleep, snoring softly. Ben Solo's black sweater spread across their laps like a blanket. Rey backed out of the room quietly, not wanting to wake them and spoil the moment. Things were going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment! Love you all.


End file.
